We Need to Talk About ‘Flexibility’ for Women at Work and Why It’s Not Working

Last year, I went trick-or-treating for Halloween with a group of women and their kids at 5 p.m. on a Friday. Each of them confessed they had to lie to their employer about why they needed to leave a little early.

These were dedicated, senior women feeling the pressure of choosing between family and work, afraid that asking to leave early would stain their professional reputations and hinder their progress. They felt guilty, so they lied. 

This is just one fairly innocuous example of the ongoing double-edged sword women face in the workplace and why ‘flexibility’ for women is not working. 

Whether it’s caring for an elderly parent, managing the loss of a loved one, balancing childcare responsibilities, or simply being the parent who wants their child to be able to spend Halloween with their peers, women are constantly navigating a landscape that often fails to recognise the full scope of women's responsibilities.

And before you say, “what about parental responsibilities? Why is she laying this burden solely on women?” It's crucial to understand the systemic issues at play. 

Women disproportionately bear the brunt of caregiving responsibilities, a reality rooted in long-standing societal norms and expectations. Even as more men step up to share these duties, the default assumption often remains that women will handle the majority of the emotional and physical labour at home. This cultural bias is deeply ingrained, making it difficult for women to fully leverage so-called 'flexibility' at work. We can change the language all we want to include men, but the reality is that the structures and expectations within our society have not yet caught up.

Women are still more likely to be the ones leaving work early for a child’s appointment, staying home when someone is sick, and managing the myriad day-to-day tasks that keep the world running smoothly.

And to these women we've said, "It's okay, you can work flexibly. You can leave early for school pick-up, finish your tasks remotely, and balance it all." But the truth is, this promise of flexibility is often more illusion than reality.

Despite having policies that are supposed to offer flexibility, many workplaces still pressure women to conform to traditional work hours and expectations, making them feel guilty or inadequate for prioritising family responsibilities.

This experience highlights the false narrative of 'flexibility' for women in the workplace. The notion of 'flexibility' often translates to women having to juggle multiple roles without adequate support, leaving them feeling perpetually behind and undervalued.

Here’s what needs to change. 

We must call out ‘fake flexibility’

When workplaces offer ‘flexibility’ but maintain a traditional output model, they’re not addressing the needs and responsibilities of women in the workplace. They are simply displacing them from the office to their laptops in the middle of the night.

This adherence to the standard output model—regulating work hours, days, and activities—doesn’t work. Research shows that organisations with flexible, people-first values and practices are more productive, and staff are more loyal. 

By creating the right environment for women, there may be short-term slumps, but like many investments, the gain isn’t immediate. Wait for it, nurture it, and the gain will come. We need to play the long game. ‘Sustainable flexibility’ moves beyond the illusion of flexibility and aims to create a genuinely supportive environment for women. No policy changes required, just mindset changes. 

Promote leaving loudly or, at the very least, honestly

Normalise leaving work on time for family and caregiving commitments. When leaders openly prioritise their family time and encourage their people to do so as well, it sets a precedent for others to feel comfortable doing the same, breaking the stigma around balancing work and family life. The time for lip service is over; it’s time to truly create a culture that supports and acknowledges the many roles women and parents are committed to.

Challenge and ditch the choice narrative

The notion that women “choose” to sacrifice career advancement for family responsibilities is a flawed narrative. It’s a lazy excuse in conversations about workplace equity for women. What can appear as ‘choice’ is often a reflection of limited options and systemic inequalities.

When talk of ‘choice’ comes up, I often wonder: Who else is going to do it? Who else is going to call the school? Who else takes children to their appointments? Who else is going to pick up and drop off at school? Who else is going to help children with their homework, listen to their needs, and be available to them emotionally, intellectually, and physically? Yes, ideally this would be a shared role between two parents, but what about single parents? Single parents, often juggling multiple roles and responsibilities, don't have the luxury of dividing these tasks. The burden falls entirely on their shoulders, and they must navigate this landscape alone.

We must acknowledge the immense value of caregiving roles 

Is there no “output value” in caregiving? I refuse to apologise for choosing to have children and for wanting to be an active presence in their lives. This shouldn’t and doesn’t detract from my leadership or my professional aspirations. We all deserve to thrive both at home and in the workplace without having to sacrifice one for the other. Our cultural norms and biases are what are limiting us.

Discover: Diversity, Equity and Inclusion Starts with Leaders

Which brings me to my next point. Culturally, we need to shift our perspectives and the value we place on caregiving roles, which currently are given little intrinsic value on their own. Consequently, women often seek traditionally male roles to feel validated, which might be fine for those who have a genuine interest in those areas. However, many women in caregiving work roles or who carry out home roles are not given the validation nor the remuneration they deserve. 

How do we do this? Well, we must start validating ourselves for the caregiving role we play, putting more emphasis on it and acknowledging how important it is. We’ve heard the saying, no one can love you unless you love yourself – similarly, no one can validate your role unless you validate it yourself. We acknowledge others in the same roles and validate them. We speak up when and how we can with regard to the importance of these roles. It’s an energy shift first and foremost—we have to acknowledge the immense lack of equity and become aware of our invalidation and then begin the work as individuals to increase it. It’s a slow, very necessary process. 

Structured support for returning parents

Employers, I’m looking at you. If you’re not offering structured support for mothers and parents returning to work, you’re missing a critical opportunity to foster a loyal and productive workforce. Providing phased return options, regular check-ins, mentorship, and clear guidelines can ease the transition and help parents reintegrate smoothly.

Additionally, organisations should foster a culture that actively encourages both parents to take advantage of parental leave and flexible working arrangements without fear of career penalties. Regular training sessions for leaders on inclusivity and understanding the challenges faced by parents in paid work can help reduce unconscious bias and promote more supportive management.

This is important because if women fear career penalties and negative repercussions, they will hold back from advocating for themselves. This hesitation perpetuates the cycle of inequality and hinders their ability to balance professional and personal responsibilities. It’s crucial for employers to create an environment where women feel safe and supported in voicing their needs.

Individual responsibility and boundary-setting

Speaking of voicing their needs, change also requires individual action. Our expectations have to change at an individual level before we can see any systemic change on a societal level. Women cannot rely on organisations or government to make changes from a top-down approach alone. Change has to come from the individual as well. It’s a woman’s responsibility to make it clear what we’re willing to settle for and what we need. It’s up to us to determine our needs, our values, our boundaries, and to communicate them. Women with the ability to be flexible, and have their voice heard, need to speak for those women in workplaces with limited option for flexibility. 

You may like this: How To Create Healthy Work Boundaries

Finally, invest in every woman

Too many organisations think, “How can she fit into our existing organisational structure?” when they should be asking, “What’s best for her right now? How can she thrive to deliver the best return?” Tailoring support to each woman’s needs, regardless of age, life stage, or ambition, is crucial. There is no one-size-fits-all solution, and personalised support can make a significant difference. By investing in every woman, organisations can unlock their full potential, fostering a more inclusive and productive workplace for all.

Sound like a lot of work? Consider this: the cost of new mothers’ mental health alone to Australian industry is over $800 million a year. Investing in a supportive, flexible, and inclusive work environment is not just a moral imperative—it’s an economic one.