Flipping the Script on Your Self-Doubt

I have long been fascinated with storytelling. My father was great raconteur, and I loved listening to him talk about growing up in southern Alberta, courting my mum, and his career in radio broadcasting and then as a station manager. In addition, his stories of my grandfather David Horton Elton gave me a sense of belonging to a wonderful family with clear values and a strong work ethic. My grandfather immigrated from England as a 12-year-old boy with his widowed mother, and he carved out a remarkable life in the “new world”—eventually serving as mayor of the largest city in southern Alberta for eight years. I could listen to my dad for hours and never get bored.

Stories helped me find my place in life. They helped me identify with men and women who had gone through hard things. They let me know that I too could overcome obstacles, that I could do more and be better. I learned that my ancestors were a happy bunch, even in the face of great hardships and tragedy, and I have always felt that my family tree was cheering for me from the other side. Stories helped me realized that I am part of something bigger than myself, and I hold their stories dear to my heart.

That might be why I am so fascinated with the stories we tell ourselves. Our minds are constantly interpreting the world around us in narrative form in our minds. The stories we tell ourselves can be good. Unfortunately, we are often our own worst critics. Even if the whole world is encouraging us, our inner voice might be saying things to ourselves that we would never say to a dear friend: “You aren’t good enough,” “Nobody likes you,” “You aren’t smart/attractive/talented,” and so on.

Read: Fear vs. Anxiety: Emotions at the Edge of Growth

It begs the question: How do we change our inner voice?

In a recent Anxiety at Work podcast with my dear friend and co-author Adrian Gostick, we interviewed Dr. Margie Warrell who just released the book “The Courage Gap.” She shared with us a wonderful way to tame that inner voice when it gets negative.

Margie spoke about a technique we wrote about in our book “Anxiety at Work,” which is called “rescripting.” It helps people reframe their negative inner dialogue, replace harmful self-talk with more empowering beliefs, and foster greater self-compassion.

I love the idea of “rescripting” our story.

Margie explained that we are the authors of our own stories, so when we get discouraged or negative we can make the choice to rewrite or rescript that narrative. I have tried it a few times since she reminded me of this technique, and it has helped me change my inner voice from a critic to a champion. It is a wonderful tool to help anyone move forward when they get negative or beat themselves up.

I encourage you to try it. When you start to think of your mistakes and shortcomings, just stop. Then, question the accuracy of your negative thoughts. Ask yourself: Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary? Would you say such things to friend who was struggling? Then replace those negative thoughts with kinder, more balanced statements. Thus, instead of saying to yourself: "I'm a failure," try "I’m learning and improving." Instead of “I’ll never get this right,” try something like “I’m making progress, and every mistake helps me get closer to the goal.”

Another tactic is to write down the negative beliefs we have about ourselves and rewrite them with a more positive or realistic perspective. This helps retrain our brains. You might also visualize past situations that didn’t go the way you want with a better outcome; and respond to your failures with self-compassion like “no one is perfect.” That can also help shift our inner dialogue over time. It’s like editing your life’s script to be more supportive and encouraging.

In short, we need to remind ourselves over and over again of all the good things we have done to lift others and all the good people who are cheering for us.

I would love to hear how you tame your inner critic. What do you do to rescript your story? And who in your life inspired you to believe in yourself? For me it was my dad, my family, and my amazing wife.

This article was firstly published on Chester Elton's LinkedIn.

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