Why Compliments Feel Awkward and How to Accept Them

When someone compliments you, what’s your immediate response? Do you say thank you or feel awkward and bat the compliment back or away?

For many of us, our response is the latter. It’s the paradox of praise.

Receiving a compliment should be an uplifting experience. Yet, for many, it triggers that awkward discomfort, which leads to downplaying, deflecting, or even dismissing the praise.

The ability to accept compliments is more than just an exercise in social grace; it’s a critical skill that influences relationships, career advancement, and leadership effectiveness.

If you want to be an influential leader and expand your sphere of influence, you should embrace compliments with calm confidence, not awkwardness or arrogance.

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The Psychology of Compliment Awkwardness

Why do we struggle with receiving compliments?

It’s a combination of self-perception, social norms and anxiety, and cultural conditioning.

Research suggests that people with lower self-esteem often struggle to integrate external positive feedback with their internal self-view. When you receive praise that contradicts your self-concept, cognitive dissonance can occur, leading to a reflexive dismissal of the compliment.

While low self-esteem is more commonly linked to discomfort with receiving compliments, high self-esteem individuals can also experience awkwardness for various reasons. They worry that accepting praise too readily might make them seem egotistical and self-centred or because they don’t like being the centre of attention.

Read: Effective Strategies for Building and Boosting Psychological Safety

When we receive a compliment, we can feel pressure to reciprocate immediately, creating an implicit social debt. You know that feeling: someone has done something nice for you, so you feel obligated to do something in return, even when you don’t want to. This psychological burden can make even well-intentioned compliments feel like a social minefield.

Of course, there is also genuine humility, where people don’t feel the need to externalise their confidence and may downplay praise.

Cultural expectations also shape how people give and receive compliments. We have ingrained social habits that shape how we interact and socialise. One of those habits can be to deflect or downplay compliments out of politeness.

Some cultures value humility, and openly accepting praise might be perceived as boastful. For example, in collectivist cultures, deflecting compliments is often seen as a way to maintain humility and social harmony.

In contrast, Western individualistic cultures generally encourage self-affirmation, but still, many of us are conditioned to be cautious about coming across as arrogant or boastful. Consequently, downplaying achievements is considered the safest strategy. No one wants to be the tall poppy cut down to size!

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Why Accepting Compliments Matters

The ability to accept compliments graciously is not just about etiquette; it has tangible benefits for your personal and professional life.

Firstly, it can strengthen relationships. Compliments are crucial in relationship-building. They serve as social glue, reinforcing connections between colleagues, team members, mentors, and peers.

A study by Algoe, Gable, and Maisel highlights that positive affirmations foster relational well-being, making individuals feel valued and acknowledged. When you deflect or reject compliments, you can inadvertently push away expressions of goodwill, potentially weakening professional and personal ties.

Feeling valued by those around you also reinforces a sense of belonging, which is essential for self-esteem.

So that leads to the second benefit.

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Receiving and accepting compliments can elevate how you feel about yourself. When people you trust and value recognise something good in you, it serves as external validation that you’re doing well. Over time, these affirmations can help reshape your internal self-talk.

As well, compliments often trigger a release of dopamine, the ‘feel-good’ neurotransmitter, making you feel happy, confident, and appreciated.

Next, how you respond can enhance (or detract) from your leadership presence.

Leadership hinges on the ability to inspire and uplift others. Accepting compliments well is a component of executive presence, demonstrating authenticity and emotional intelligence. Leaders who acknowledge praise with gratitude rather than deflection set a positive example for their teams. Importantly, being able to accept praise sincerely can increase your team’s trust and respect for you.

Lastly, it can help you advance your career. When you fail to graciously accept a compliment, you can undermine how confident people see you. Whether you like it or not, confidence is a key determinant of success.

How to Take a Compliment Like a Pro

Given the significant benefits of accepting praise, how can you overcome the discomfort and respond confidently?

Here are five strategies to apply:

1. A simple ‘Thank You’ goes a long way – one of the easiest and most effective ways to accept a compliment is to say, “Thank you.” This simple response acknowledges the praise without overcomplicating the interaction. Adding a brief, sincere remark, such as “I really appreciate that,” reinforces gratitude without diminishing the compliment’s value.
2. Resist the urge to downplay – Many people instinctively downplay compliments by saying things like, “Oh, it was nothing” or “I just got lucky.” Such responses not only devalue personal contributions but can also make the compliment-giver feel invalidated. Instead, acknowledge the recognition with poise. If praised for a project, respond with, “Thank you! I worked hard on that, and I’m glad it resonated with you.”
3. Avoid compliment ping-pong – The impulse to immediately reciprocate a compliment (e.g., “You too!”) can dilute the sincerity of both statements. While compliment exchanges are natural, avoid automatic responses that seem insincere. Instead, if genuine, reciprocate with a thoughtful observation later rather than in the same breath or conversation.
4. Internalise and reflect – Turning compliments into a tool for self-esteem requires internalisation. Instead of dismissing positive feedback, take a moment to absorb it. Reflecting on why someone offered praise can help reshape your self-perception over time. For example, keeping a journal or folder where you record the compliments you have received or noting affirmations can reinforce self-worth and professional confidence. Plus, when you are having a bad day at work, reading those compliments can put the bad day into perspective.
5. Acknowledge team contributions (without deflecting or minimising your contribution) – Sharing credit is essential and you should never take credit for work or effort that isn’t yours or yours alone. That said, acknowledging others should not come at the expense of accepting personal recognition. Instead of deflecting, balance personal acceptance with team appreciation. For example, “Thank you! I’m really proud of what we accomplished together.”

Next time you receive a compliment, take your time to think about how you want to respond.

Remember, you can transform moments of discomfort into opportunities for growth, influence, and connection. So, next time a compliment comes your way, how will you respond?

Republished with courtesy from michellegibbings.com.

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