• Business
    • Case Studies
    • Companies
    • Growth
    • Strategy
  • Functional
    • Finance
    • HR
    • Marketing
    • Science & Tech
  • Leadership
    • Be a Leader
    • Books
    • LDR Show
    • Leadership Nuggets
    • Movie Wisdom
    • Soundbytes
    • Women & Leadership
  • Personal
    • Character
    • Values
    • Competence
  • Soundbytes
  • Free E-mag
  • Videos
  • About Us
Leaderonomics.com
Leaderonomics.com
  • Business
    • Case Studies
      Embracing Digital To Power Growth

      Embracing Digital To Power Growth

      Malaysia: Celebrating A Nation's History

      Malaysia: Celebrating A Nation's History

      Lessons from 3M: Why Investing In R&D Is Your Ticket To Success

      Lessons from 3M: Why Investing In R&D Is Your Ticket To Success

      Developing Support Systems For Occupational Stress: A Critical Need

      Developing Support Systems For Occupational Stress: A Critical Need

    • Companies
      Simple Mindset Changes To Evolve As A Leader

      Simple Mindset Changes To Evolve As A Leader

      6 Things Every Entrepreneur Should Be Grateful for in 2019

      6 Things Every Entrepreneur Should Be Grateful for in 2019

      Leading The 200-Year-Old Postal Service In The 21st Century

      Leading The 200-Year-Old Postal Service In The 21st Century

      Changing The Outlook of Learning

      Changing The Outlook of Learning

    • Growth
      Embracing Digital To Power Growth

      Embracing Digital To Power Growth

      Simple Mindset Changes To Evolve As A Leader

      Simple Mindset Changes To Evolve As A Leader

      Leadership Lessons From Madam Secretary

      Leadership Lessons From Madam Secretary

      The New World Of Work Workers & Workplaces

      The New World Of Work Workers & Workplaces

    • Strategy
      Embracing Change

      Embracing Change

      10 Communication Strategies For New Leaders

      10 Communication Strategies For New Leaders

      How To Build Winning Teams

      How To Build Winning Teams

      The 7 Critical Trends That Make Thought Leadership An Imperative For Any Business

      The 7 Critical Trends That Make Thought Leadership An Imperative For Any Business

  • Functional
    • Finance
      Investing, A Rather Boring Thing To Do

      Investing, A Rather Boring Thing To Do

      Financial Literacy: The Essentials Of A Leader

      Financial Literacy: The Essentials Of A Leader

      A Student's Dilemma: ACCA vs An Accounting Degree

      A Student's Dilemma: ACCA vs An Accounting Degree

      Finance A Must On The Path To CEO

      Finance A Must On The Path To CEO

    • HR
      When Should You Speak Up?

      When Should You Speak Up?

      Driving Value With Digital Transformation Initiatives

      Driving Value With Digital Transformation Initiatives

      10 Communication Strategies For New Leaders

      10 Communication Strategies For New Leaders

      Whistleblowing In Organisations

      Whistleblowing In Organisations

    • Marketing
    • Science & Tech
      How The Frog Virtual Learning Education Is Revolutionising Teaching And Learning

      How The Frog Virtual Learning Education Is Revolutionising Teaching And Learning

      The Latest Developments in the ICT Subsector in Malaysia

      The Latest Developments in the ICT Subsector in Malaysia

      Electrical And Electronics On The Next Level

      Electrical And Electronics On The Next Level

      Going Green Does Have Tangible Benefits

      Going Green Does Have Tangible Benefits

  • Leadership
    • Be a Leader
      The Importance of Getting People to Understand the ‘Why’

      The Importance of Getting People to Understand the ‘Why’

      Defining the Role of Senior Leadership

      Defining the Role of Senior Leadership

      Leadership Lessons from Ludwig van Beethoven

      Leadership Lessons from Ludwig van Beethoven

      Meaningful Communication: The Key To Solving Workplace Problems

      Meaningful Communication: The Key To Solving Workplace Problems

    • Books
      Why You Should Assess A Leader’s Capacity For Critical Thinking And Judgment

      Why You Should Assess A Leader’s Capacity For Critical Thinking And Judgment

      5 Skills You Need To Be A Great CEO

      5 Skills You Need To Be A Great CEO

      Be A Giver And A Taker

      Be A Giver And A Taker

      Are You Afraid Of Being An Original In A World Full Of Conformists?

      Are You Afraid Of Being An Original In A World Full Of Conformists?

    • LDR Show
      "You can be competitive without sacrificing your price", Says Datuk Sulaiman Mohd Tahir

      "You can be competitive without sacrificing your price", Says Datuk Sulaiman Mohd Tahir

      “I didn’t learn anything in the books about leadership or management", Says Tan Sri Azman Hashim

      “I didn’t learn anything in the books about leadership or management", Says Tan Sri Azman Hashim

      Attracting And Retaining Talent: Insights from Kimberlyn Lu

      Attracting And Retaining Talent: Insights from Kimberlyn Lu

      The Necessity of Change: Nuggets of Wisdom from Rejie Samuel

      The Necessity of Change: Nuggets of Wisdom from Rejie Samuel

    • Leadership Nuggets
      Leadership in Four Dimensions: Jonas Prising on Human Resources, Malaysia and Leadership

      Leadership in Four Dimensions: Jonas Prising on Human Resources, Malaysia and Leadership

      "Have Intentionality In Your Daily Life", says Kim Underhill

      "Have Intentionality In Your Daily Life", says Kim Underhill

      "Explorers Are Map Makers", Says Jana Stanfield

      "Explorers Are Map Makers", Says Jana Stanfield

      Leadership Nuggets: Worry Not When We Fail

      Leadership Nuggets: Worry Not When We Fail

    • Movie Wisdom
      Lessons From Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

      Lessons From Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

      Leadership Lessons From Madam Secretary

      Leadership Lessons From Madam Secretary

      Lessons From A 68-Year-Old Classic That Changed The Face Of Visual Storytelling

      Lessons From A 68-Year-Old Classic That Changed The Face Of Visual Storytelling

      Life Lessons From <i>Goodbye Christopher Robin</i>

      Life Lessons From Goodbye Christopher Robin

    • Soundbytes
      Developing A Vision For An Organisation

      Developing A Vision For An Organisation

      How Does Developing Our “Self” Lead To Purpose?

      How Does Developing Our “Self” Lead To Purpose?

      Finishing Our Race Well

      Finishing Our Race Well

      RYG: Leadership Lessons from Joan of Arc

      RYG: Leadership Lessons from Joan of Arc

    • Women & Leadership
      5 Lessons from the Life of Chetna Sinha

      5 Lessons from the Life of Chetna Sinha

      Lessons We Can Learn From Oprah Winfrey

      Lessons We Can Learn From Oprah Winfrey

      RYG: Leadership Lessons from Joan of Arc

      RYG: Leadership Lessons from Joan of Arc

      Leadership Lessons From Joan of Arc

      Leadership Lessons From Joan of Arc

  • Personal
    • Character
      How Hunger For Praise Hinders Success

      How Hunger For Praise Hinders Success

      The Difference Between Gifts And Bribes

      The Difference Between Gifts And Bribes

      Lessons From Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

      Lessons From Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

      Balancing Your Weekdays And Weekends

      Balancing Your Weekdays And Weekends

    • Values
      How Hunger For Praise Hinders Success

      How Hunger For Praise Hinders Success

      Defining the Role of Senior Leadership

      Defining the Role of Senior Leadership

      The Difference Between Gifts And Bribes

      The Difference Between Gifts And Bribes

      Living Out The Leaderonomics Core Values

      Living Out The Leaderonomics Core Values

    • Competence
      Balancing Your Weekdays And Weekends

      Balancing Your Weekdays And Weekends

      The Power of Storytelling in Achieving Authentic Leadership

      The Power of Storytelling in Achieving Authentic Leadership

      How To Create A Sense Of Agency In Your Young Ones

      How To Create A Sense Of Agency In Your Young Ones

      The Shocking Truth About Success

      The Shocking Truth About Success

  • Soundbytes
  • Free E-mag
  • Videos
  • About Us
  • Follow
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Linkedin
    • Youtube
    • Instagram
Home
Personal
Values

Active Listening Develops Robust Relationships

October 23rd, 2015 Personal, Values

Share this article

Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn Pinterest
Active Listening Develops Robust RelationshipsPersonal

LDR-PDF-download-110x110

Active listening – a skill that every parent should master

By JEAN SELVAM

ONE of the most common complaints about teenagers from parents is that their teens do not communicate with them.

As a therapist, I have met many perplexed and upset parents who feel that their children refuse to share stories about their lives.

My general response to them is that teenagers typically prefer to keep to themselves or to confide in their peers. On the other hand, I have also met many teenagers who say that they do not feel heard, neither do they feel safe and comfortable talking to their parents – so what is the point?

These statements made me wonder about the parent-child dynamic, and what is actually occurring on both sides that has led them to a place of non-communication.

Take The Time To Listen

Parents complain of the lack of communication and teens grumble about their parents not listening to them. Now, this is a vicious cycle isn’t it?

When one party speaks, the other party should listen and provide the assurance that the other’s words are being heard. If not, the person speaking will eventually feel misunderstood, disregarded and ultimately stop talking, thereby making the other person feel shut out.

The act of listening, understanding and giving assurance is also known as “active listening”. It is a communication skill that can bring greater connection, cooperation, clarity and understanding to relationships.

Many of us have heard about active listening, but how exactly does having this skill help in a parent-child relationship?

Let’s begin by looking at things from your own perspective, with regard to your personal relationships, whether it is with a partner, a sibling, a friend or a colleague.

Imagine feeling distressed and upset about a particular situation, and you decide to confide in your partner. While you are talking, your partner is busy multi-tasking and barely looks at you, besides giving you some nods, saying “hmmm” and “oh really”. How would you feel during this one-sided conversation? If you continually receive this feedback, would you approach this person again to share or consult with about events in your life, be it good or bad?

Going back to the question above on how active listening can help cultivate a close parent-child relationship, some of the most important things that will occur is having mutual respect, understanding, and trust between the parent and the child.

Children will learn that no matter what their parent is doing, mum or dad will prioritise them and put their full focus on the conversation. The children will thus feel respected and understood by their parents.

As time goes by, no matter how big or small a problem is, children will feel comfortable enough to confide in their parents, because they trust they will actively listen to them with an open heart and open mind.

Picking Up On Silent Cues

Active listening encourages the parent to pick up on a lot more of the non-verbal communication: tone of voice, eye contact, facial expressions, body language, and noticing what’s not being said through hesitation in the voice.

It’s all too easy to view communication in terms of facts and ignore the all-important emotional information. It will then come as no surprise when, through active listening, there is more empathy between the parent and the children during challenging or stressful conversations.

Empathy can help to soften the approach and de-escalate a conflictual situation, because there is more understanding of feelings and their underlying meanings.

When a parent uses active listening, children generally feel more supported and less controlled. It’s hard for parents to resist giving endless advice and lectures, as they feel the huge responsibility of teaching their child.

But then again, how do your teens react when the conversation turns one-sided again with all the advice you’re giving? Do they feel better when a parent tells them what to do?

Most times, I wonder if your children want to be told what to do or would they prefer having a conversation with you about their difficulties.

Active listening will slow down the need to give advice and create assumptions, and will instead create a space for your children to feel safe and supported to share their worries.

Parents can guide, facilitate, reflect and support without taking over control of their children’s problems. As a result, children who feel respectfully listened to tend to seek their parent’s advice and guidance much more often.

Concluding Thoughts

Parents are often baffled as to why their children will shut down and refuse to speak or interact when they’re clearly troubled. Parents know how much they love their children, and they hope or expect that their children can trust them enough for comfort.

Yet, many of the responses from parents, including well-meaning advice or discipline, inadvertently give children the message that their feelings are not valued, cared for or understood. Those aren’t the messages any parent would want to send to their children.

At the end of the day, if you actively listen to your children, a stronger relationship develops.

This is a skill that can be learned and can truly transform how your children talk and listen to you.

A new approach to engaging with your children will generally improve the quality of two-way communication and cooperation.

If you would like to find out how you can leverage your strengths and manage your weaknesses in your personal or professional life, please email her at jean.selvam@leaderonomics.com. For more Starting Young articles, click here. 
Jean-Marie Selvam

Jean enjoys working with children and youth because they inspire her to be a joyous and courageous person. She is with Leaderonomics Youth and has a background in family therapy.

Share this :

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Tags
  • Communications
  • Conflict Management
  • EQ
  • Jean Selvam
  • PDF
  • Relationship Building
  • Starting Young
Next article 5 Myths Of Great Workplaces
Previous article TalentCorp: Making Sense Of HR In Today’s World And Beyond

Related Posts

Do Your Employees Actually Understand The Company's Purpose? Business

Do Your Employees Actually Understand The Company's Purpose?

7 Barriers to Achieving Greatness Personal

7 Barriers to Achieving Greatness

Why You Should Be Rational About The Emotional When Making Decisions Personal

Why You Should Be Rational About The Emotional When Making Decisions

A Letter To My 15-Year-Old Self Personal

A Letter To My 15-Year-Old Self

Boss Bleeding You Dry? Personal

Boss Bleeding You Dry?

The Path Of Leadership Is Not Always An Easy One Box of Chocolates

The Path Of Leadership Is Not Always An Easy One

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Bahasa Malaysia | English

Pick of The Week

Feb 4th 7:54 PM
Business

When Should You Speak Up?

Jan 31st 9:00 AM
Business

Embracing Digital To Power Growth

Jan 29th 9:00 AM
Functional

Driving Value With Digital Transformation Initiatives

NEW – On The Leaderonomics Show

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXY0Z5dJVSI
  • Business
  • Functional
  • Leadership
  • Personal
  • Soundbytes
  • Free E-Mag
  • Videos
  • About Us
  • Back to top

About Leaderonomics.com

Leaderonomics.com is a leadership portal owned by Leaderonomics, a social enterprise passionate about transforming nations through leadership development. Leaderonomics.com features leadership insights, trends, CEOs, thought leaders, HR leaders and inspiring real-life stories for your personal and professional development.

Contact Us | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy      
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed on this website are those of the writers or the people they quoted and not necessarily those of Leaderonomics.
[Sitemap | RSS]
Copyright © 2010-2019 Leaderonomics Media Sdn Bhd. All rights reserved