• Business
    • Case Studies
    • Companies
    • Growth
    • Strategy
  • Functional
    • Finance
    • HR
    • Marketing
    • Science & Tech
  • Leadership
    • Be a Leader
    • Books
    • LDR Show
    • Leadership Nuggets
    • Movie Wisdom
    • Soundbytes
    • Women & Leadership
  • Personal
    • Character
    • Values
    • Competence
  • Soundbytes
  • Free E-mag
  • Videos
  • About Us
Leaderonomics.com
Leaderonomics.com
  • Business
    • Case Studies
      Embracing Digital To Power Growth

      Embracing Digital To Power Growth

      Malaysia: Celebrating A Nation's History

      Malaysia: Celebrating A Nation's History

      Lessons from 3M: Why Investing In R&D Is Your Ticket To Success

      Lessons from 3M: Why Investing In R&D Is Your Ticket To Success

      Developing Support Systems For Occupational Stress: A Critical Need

      Developing Support Systems For Occupational Stress: A Critical Need

    • Companies
      Simple Mindset Changes To Evolve As A Leader

      Simple Mindset Changes To Evolve As A Leader

      6 Things Every Entrepreneur Should Be Grateful for in 2019

      6 Things Every Entrepreneur Should Be Grateful for in 2019

      Leading The 200-Year-Old Postal Service In The 21st Century

      Leading The 200-Year-Old Postal Service In The 21st Century

      Changing The Outlook of Learning

      Changing The Outlook of Learning

    • Growth
      Embracing Digital To Power Growth

      Embracing Digital To Power Growth

      Simple Mindset Changes To Evolve As A Leader

      Simple Mindset Changes To Evolve As A Leader

      Leadership Lessons From Madam Secretary

      Leadership Lessons From Madam Secretary

      The New World Of Work Workers & Workplaces

      The New World Of Work Workers & Workplaces

    • Strategy
      Ways To Stay Motivated As You Build Your Business

      Ways To Stay Motivated As You Build Your Business

      Embracing Change

      Embracing Change

      10 Communication Strategies For New Leaders

      10 Communication Strategies For New Leaders

      How To Build Winning Teams

      How To Build Winning Teams

  • Functional
    • Finance
      Investing, A Rather Boring Thing To Do

      Investing, A Rather Boring Thing To Do

      Financial Literacy: The Essentials Of A Leader

      Financial Literacy: The Essentials Of A Leader

      A Student's Dilemma: ACCA vs An Accounting Degree

      A Student's Dilemma: ACCA vs An Accounting Degree

      Finance A Must On The Path To CEO

      Finance A Must On The Path To CEO

    • HR
      When Should You Speak Up?

      When Should You Speak Up?

      Driving Value With Digital Transformation Initiatives

      Driving Value With Digital Transformation Initiatives

      10 Communication Strategies For New Leaders

      10 Communication Strategies For New Leaders

      Whistleblowing In Organisations

      Whistleblowing In Organisations

    • Marketing
    • Science & Tech
      How The Frog Virtual Learning Education Is Revolutionising Teaching And Learning

      How The Frog Virtual Learning Education Is Revolutionising Teaching And Learning

      The Latest Developments in the ICT Subsector in Malaysia

      The Latest Developments in the ICT Subsector in Malaysia

      Electrical And Electronics On The Next Level

      Electrical And Electronics On The Next Level

      Going Green Does Have Tangible Benefits

      Going Green Does Have Tangible Benefits

  • Leadership
    • Be a Leader
      The Importance of Getting People to Understand the ‘Why’

      The Importance of Getting People to Understand the ‘Why’

      Defining the Role of Senior Leadership

      Defining the Role of Senior Leadership

      Leadership Lessons from Ludwig van Beethoven

      Leadership Lessons from Ludwig van Beethoven

      Meaningful Communication: The Key To Solving Workplace Problems

      Meaningful Communication: The Key To Solving Workplace Problems

    • Books
      Why You Should Assess A Leader’s Capacity For Critical Thinking And Judgment

      Why You Should Assess A Leader’s Capacity For Critical Thinking And Judgment

      5 Skills You Need To Be A Great CEO

      5 Skills You Need To Be A Great CEO

      Be A Giver And A Taker

      Be A Giver And A Taker

      Are You Afraid Of Being An Original In A World Full Of Conformists?

      Are You Afraid Of Being An Original In A World Full Of Conformists?

    • LDR Show
      What Do Your Customers Need?

      What Do Your Customers Need?

      "You can be competitive without sacrificing your price", Says Datuk Sulaiman Mohd Tahir

      "You can be competitive without sacrificing your price", Says Datuk Sulaiman Mohd Tahir

      “I didn’t learn anything in the books about leadership or management", Says Tan Sri Azman Hashim

      “I didn’t learn anything in the books about leadership or management", Says Tan Sri Azman Hashim

      Attracting And Retaining Talent: Insights from Kimberlyn Lu

      Attracting And Retaining Talent: Insights from Kimberlyn Lu

    • Leadership Nuggets
      Leadership in Four Dimensions: Jonas Prising on Human Resources, Malaysia and Leadership

      Leadership in Four Dimensions: Jonas Prising on Human Resources, Malaysia and Leadership

      "Have Intentionality In Your Daily Life", says Kim Underhill

      "Have Intentionality In Your Daily Life", says Kim Underhill

      "Explorers Are Map Makers", Says Jana Stanfield

      "Explorers Are Map Makers", Says Jana Stanfield

      Leadership Nuggets: Worry Not When We Fail

      Leadership Nuggets: Worry Not When We Fail

    • Movie Wisdom
      Lessons From Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

      Lessons From Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

      Leadership Lessons From Madam Secretary

      Leadership Lessons From Madam Secretary

      Lessons From A 68-Year-Old Classic That Changed The Face Of Visual Storytelling

      Lessons From A 68-Year-Old Classic That Changed The Face Of Visual Storytelling

      Life Lessons From <i>Goodbye Christopher Robin</i>

      Life Lessons From Goodbye Christopher Robin

    • Soundbytes
      Developing A Vision For An Organisation

      Developing A Vision For An Organisation

      How Does Developing Our “Self” Lead To Purpose?

      How Does Developing Our “Self” Lead To Purpose?

      Finishing Our Race Well

      Finishing Our Race Well

      RYG: Leadership Lessons from Joan of Arc

      RYG: Leadership Lessons from Joan of Arc

    • Women & Leadership
      5 Lessons from the Life of Chetna Sinha

      5 Lessons from the Life of Chetna Sinha

      Lessons We Can Learn From Oprah Winfrey

      Lessons We Can Learn From Oprah Winfrey

      RYG: Leadership Lessons from Joan of Arc

      RYG: Leadership Lessons from Joan of Arc

      Leadership Lessons From Joan of Arc

      Leadership Lessons From Joan of Arc

  • Personal
    • Character
      How Hunger For Praise Hinders Success

      How Hunger For Praise Hinders Success

      The Difference Between Gifts And Bribes

      The Difference Between Gifts And Bribes

      Lessons From Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

      Lessons From Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson

      Balancing Your Weekdays And Weekends

      Balancing Your Weekdays And Weekends

    • Values
      How Hunger For Praise Hinders Success

      How Hunger For Praise Hinders Success

      Defining the Role of Senior Leadership

      Defining the Role of Senior Leadership

      The Difference Between Gifts And Bribes

      The Difference Between Gifts And Bribes

      Living Out The Leaderonomics Core Values

      Living Out The Leaderonomics Core Values

    • Competence
      Balancing Your Weekdays And Weekends

      Balancing Your Weekdays And Weekends

      The Power of Storytelling in Achieving Authentic Leadership

      The Power of Storytelling in Achieving Authentic Leadership

      How To Create A Sense Of Agency In Your Young Ones

      How To Create A Sense Of Agency In Your Young Ones

      The Shocking Truth About Success

      The Shocking Truth About Success

  • Soundbytes
  • Free E-mag
  • Videos
  • About Us
  • Follow
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Linkedin
    • Youtube
    • Instagram
Home
Personal
Values

Secrets To Designing Relationships That Bring Out Your Best Self

February 12th, 2016 Personal, Values

Share this article

Facebook Twitter Google+ LinkedIn Pinterest
Secrets To Designing Relationships That Bring Out Your Best SelfPersonal

LDR-PDF-download-110x110

Learn it before you blow it

By AIDA ADNAN

It is that time of the year, folks—Cupid’s day of shooting arrows, to create love-struck couples. It’s Valentine’s Day, a magical day where couples go through the anxiety of orchestrating the perfect celebration of their commitment to each other, while the singles go through a period of quiet, personal introspection of how to meet “the one.”

Whether any of the above is true for you, we can all agree that relationships—be it personal or professional—takes ongoing effort and commitment.

None of us are excluded from feeling the regular frustrations of being misunderstood or unsupported. It is often a challenge for me as well, to be both a pillar of support for others while supporting my own ambitions.

Do we give selfishly because the more we give the more we get? Or do we take on being ardent in spreading our energy only to those who matter? What does it take to really master relationships in a way that uplifts us? How do we enable actions that make our relationships an amazing resource of joy and inspiration?

In my effort to constantly add value to others as well as to strengthen my own relationships, here is a process that has helped many of my clients strike that balance of giving and receiving fulfilment in their relationships.

Laying the foundation

Our experiences, whether positive or negative, is bound by our subconscious mind by as much as 85%. The subconscious is made up of beliefs ingrained in us during our formative years; significant ages being six, twelve and 21, where certain incidences trigger what I call your “perception blueprint.”

Our “perception blueprint” acts in a similar way to an equaliser thermometer. When it gets too hot, it kicks in to equalise the temperature back to a desired, cooler degree, and vice versa.

Unfortunately, for most, we set the temperature high on expectation but low on being responsible.
What do I mean by that? To clarify further on this very basic but crucial element in successful relationships are three major elements of what I call the AAA Relationship Matrix.

1. Decide that this relationship is 100% YOU

“I feel that I am the only one making an effort in this marriage!”

“My husband takes me for granted!”

“I am tired of being the only one who does anything about it!”

Do any of the above sound familiar to you? Many of us carry this concept that a relationship should be 50/50, which will inevitably result in disappointment for both parties.

If you want real, authentic connection with one another—a connection where you experience joy and fulfilment—then you need to accept and embrace the fact that you are solely responsible for how things turn out. Not 50%, 60% or 80%, but 100%.

If there is disappointment or lack of trust, you are responsible. If you are constantly arguing, you are part of the reason that it is happening. When you are willing to own up and say “I am responsible”, you are at a very powerful position.

You have positioned yourself fully capable to turn it around. Therefore when things are going great, you can claim that you are responsible for it too!

2. Be a giver

Relationships are challenging. Any relationship whether in your professional or personal life, starts off as a fresh, untouched patch of land, not a field ready to harvest.

It needs close tending of water, fertiliser and regular weeding. The reason relationships are our greatest teachers is because they teach us about who we really are. They act as magnified mirrors that reflect back to us about areas where there are “overgrown weeds” or areas in need of “preventive pesticide.”

The one antidote to truly enrich our relationships is to create a positive approach to giving. Give your time. Give your knowledge. Give your positive support. Give kind and uplifting words. Give a smile. Give the best of yourself and in time you will see your relationships flourish.

3. Keep forgiving along the way

When two people meet and agree to come together, they are agreeing to a dynamic dance where both parties participate with their own unique “perception blueprint.”

This relationship will be a mix of you and your partner’s past, opinions, skills, strengths and weaknesses.
It will be tricky and messy. Your patience will be tested at times. There will be surprise and delight in store for you. When the hard times come, just trust that you will be able to handle them. Trust that you deserve the best experience within this relationship.

Choose to forgive their actions or misinterpretations. Neither of you are perfect but what connects both of you is the objective. Most importantly, forgive yourself for making inaccurate decisions. Forgive yourself for having certain expectations. Forgive yourself enough to let go.

In conclusion

All successes in life are a product of our relationships—this is something that I can personally vouch for.
Our lives are infinitely and intimately intertwined, whether we choose to believe it or not. Therefore, on this special day, take the opportunity to reflect upon and acknowledge the people in your life as well as those who are no longer around.

Appreciate the lessons they have taught you and the ones they are still teaching you now. They have all played a part in uplifting you to the remarkable person that you are today.

May your relationships continue to enrich you towards the life and career that you love.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Aida Adnan is an author, corporate speaker/trainer, executive leadership coach, business-turnaround strategist and CEO of AAA Leadership Consulting. Her authentic yet strategic approach to transformation has made her a core asset to multinational and government-linked companies looking to create a progressive and purpose-driven culture. To engage her for your organisation or to connect with her, write to training@leaderonomics.com. For more Career Advice articles, click here.

Share this :

  • Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on LinkedIn (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on Twitter (Opens in new window)
  • Click to share on WhatsApp (Opens in new window)
  • Tags
  • AAA Relationship Matrix
  • Aida Adnan
  • Building relationship
  • Building trust in a relationship
  • Career Advice
  • Forgiveness
  • Giving
  • PDF
  • Personal branding
  • Positive thinking
  • Valentine's Day
  • Work Culture
Next article 8 Advantages Highly Sensitive People Bring To Business
Previous article Barefoot Compassion

Related Posts

TalentCorp: Life At Work Awards 2015 Business

TalentCorp: Life At Work Awards 2015

The Eternal Pursuit Of Pandelela's Perfect Dive A Day in the Life

The Eternal Pursuit Of Pandelela's Perfect Dive

Understanding The Traits That Cultivate Bad Leaders Hard Talk

Understanding The Traits That Cultivate Bad Leaders

Choosing Principles Over Power Be a Leader

Choosing Principles Over Power

The Yin And Yang Of Leadership Competence

The Yin And Yang Of Leadership

Are You A Shark Or A Goldfish? Personal

Are You A Shark Or A Goldfish?

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Bahasa Malaysia | English

Pick of The Week

Feb 4th 7:54 PM
Business

When Should You Speak Up?

Jan 31st 9:00 AM
Business

Embracing Digital To Power Growth

Jan 29th 9:00 AM
Functional

Driving Value With Digital Transformation Initiatives

NEW – On The Leaderonomics Show

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FXY0Z5dJVSI
  • Business
  • Functional
  • Leadership
  • Personal
  • Soundbytes
  • Free E-Mag
  • Videos
  • About Us
  • Back to top

About Leaderonomics.com

Leaderonomics.com is a leadership portal owned by Leaderonomics, a social enterprise passionate about transforming nations through leadership development. Leaderonomics.com features leadership insights, trends, CEOs, thought leaders, HR leaders and inspiring real-life stories for your personal and professional development.

Contact Us | Terms of Use | Privacy Policy      
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed on this website are those of the writers or the people they quoted and not necessarily those of Leaderonomics.
[Sitemap | RSS]
Copyright © 2010-2019 Leaderonomics Media Sdn Bhd. All rights reserved