By ASEEM PURI
Anger is a strange emotion. It can appear, seemingly, from nowhere and just—in seconds—create a powerful energy that destroys lives, families and nations. In anger, terrorists kill, husbands and wives fight, strangers rage against each other on the road and nations wage war against each other.
To get rid of this powerful but destructive force, here are some tips to help you stay in control of your anger:
1. Notice and accept your anger
When you are angry, notice it. Acknowledge your anger and accept it. Realise fully that “I am getting angry.”
2. Realise that anger is self-created
Anger does not come from anywhere else but rather it is your unconscious response to a situation. It is self-created. It is not from outside.
3. Anger is created by the false
Anger comes from the ego or the fear that is inside of you. These fleeting feelings are untrue and unreal; they are nothing but the inventions of the mind.
Take a few deep breaths when you have recognised the anger emerging in you. Breathe deeply till you feel calmer. Relax. As you do so, the anger will gradually disappear and you will feel calmer.
5. Let it go
Anger is like a poison that destroys you before it damages others. It is like wildfire that can cause damage everywhere. Release the anger, see it dissipate like a cloud, emerging from the top and vanishing into the air.
6. Anger can only be conquered by “non-anger”
A father told his angry son to put a nail in the wall every time he gets angry. He put many. Then the father asked him to pull out a nail for every day that he was not angry. He did. The father then said, “Look at the wall. You may have pulled out the nails but the holes remain. Anger damages things permanently.”
Let go of all anger. Let go of the toxicity. Breathe.
Fill your love bank
When was the last time you told your mum you loved her? Or bought your wife or girlfriend a rose? Or gave your father a book written by his favourite author? Or surprised a friend with a gift? Or took your boss out for a surprise lunch?
It’s a sad reality that we often treat the people closest to us with the least amount of affection.
We get busy, yet we expect a lot from them and often do those special acts less and less. Whenever we fight, argue, or have a problem, we withdraw a little bit of love from the relationship.
If there was a bank account of love and you were a joint holder of this account with your loved ones, it would be the equivalent of constantly taking out money. When you don’t fill the bank with acts of love, that’s when anger, frustration, and hatred start to creep up. Most broken or frayed relationships are victims of the love account being overdrawn.
So how can you fill this love account back with love?
It’s simple and cheap too. Start depositing small amounts of love every day. When the tough times come, you will have a huge bank deposit to withdraw from.
So here are five simple ways you can put some love into your love bank:
1. Pay a compliment to someone today and make sure you mean it. For example, notice what your spouse is wearing or when someone does a good job. Pay the compliment face-to-face or send an e-mail. It will come as an unexpected surprise.
2. Bring flowers for your spouse, your mum, your daughter, your assistant or a teammate who has done a great job. Even one rose will create a magical and memorable experience for the receiver. He/she will not forget it.
3. Give your friends a nice birthday greeting by writing a warm and personal greeting for each person. Make it heartfelt and wish them a great year ahead.
4. Create a gift box in your home. You can try by taking an empty box or piece of luggage and start filling it with small, inexpensive gifts that you find wherever you go. When the right time comes, you will be able to find something there to give to someone you care about.
5. Put a note with a poem or a quote to say thanks to someone you care about. Say thank you to your boss, your spouse, your parents, your friends or even to the person who cleans your office. They all have contributed to your success and happiness. They would be delighted to know that you remember their contribution.
Say thanks. Say I love you. Notice the good in others. Fill your bank of love. Then feel free to take out a little bit of love in the tough times. The secret to a healthy relationship is a healthy bank balance of love.