How-to: 3 Ways You Can Change People

Influence is the power to produce change.

It’s absurd to say we can’t change people.

The people in your story have changed you. You’re who you are, in part, because of them. Likewise, you too have the power to change others.

Here are three ways you can bring about a change in others.

#1. Change what they believe about themselves. 

If people believe in you, encourage them to believe in themselves. You can:

1. Explain the positive influence of their passion, strength, or behaviour. For example, “The influence of your (strength) on (name people) is (impact).”
2. Avoid superficial compliments.
3. Offer assessments based on character. For example, “You’re loving, kind, tenacious, and forthright.”
4. Accept that doing poorly comes before excellence. Ask questions like, “What are your learning points from this failure?”

#2. Tell them the truth. 

Blind spots are deadly because they aren’t seen. 

Positive blind spots occur when people don’t see their strengths, values, or contributions. Negative blind spots are imagined strengths, values, or contributions.

Blind spots – positive or negative – limit our reach and hinder our potential. So, how do you address this?

1. Don’t bring ‘sour’ to the table unless you’re prepared to add some ‘sweet’. Coach when you critique. Criticism apart from coaching is an arrogant power-play designed to put people down.
2. Immediate feedback opens eyes to blind spots. Lights come on when you catch people in the act of offending behaviours.
3. Acknowledge their values based on their behaviours. “This is what I see you doing. Your actions indicate that this is important to you.”

#3. Explain how they’re changing. 

1. “I notice you’ve improved the way you lead meetings.” (Skill)
2. “This bothered you in the past. Now you’re great at it. Way to go.” Explain what you mean. (Character)
3. “Your numbers are improving.” (Results)

How might leaders change people?

If you want to change people:

1. Help them change themselves.
2. Know where they want to go.
3. Know who they want to become.
4. Give them new information, strategies, or plans.
5. Care for them.

You can’t change someone who refuses to change. Everyone else is fair game.

 Reposted with permission.

This article is also available in Chinese.

Read more Dan Rockwell's articles here.

Before you leave - consider this - Encouraging the use of employee voice as an instrument for change is not as simple as it may seem. Employees may appear hesitant to share their thoughts or propose ideas, even taking efforts to downplay the information given. Why is that? Check out this thought-provoking article:

Self-Censorship: Why Do Employees Withhold From Speaking Up?